A Wedding Night Story: Part Three

***DISCLAIMER: If you don't want to know personal things about myself and my husband, or read words like "tampon", "period" or "sex"........you should just click that handy little "X" right now.  I am past the point of embarrassment, but completely understand that others may not be comfortable with this story. :-)***

I went back to the doctor at the end of August 2010. In case you've lost count, we'd been married 14 months by this point. I had begun to refer to myself as "The Super Virgin" in private.

Also, as a little side note: Never ask people why they don't have kids yet. I can't tell you how many times a well-meaning woman gave a little hint-hint, nudge-nudge to me and had no idea the dagger she sent to my heart. I'm not being dramatic. When you are in the midst of a situation in which you want to have children, but can't, it is so hard to hear even the well-meaning comments. This doesn't mean that you can NEVER say anything about it, but try to know the person you are nudging before you nudge them.

The doctor confirmed what I had already suspected (thank you, Dr. Google):Vaginismus. See? Told you…gross words are happening. Basically, vaginal spasms. My doctor was pretty sure this was caused by the lack of normal exposure all through growing up. My muscles were in shock. Yay. She prescribed Zoloft.

Yep. An anti-depressant. At first, I was like, "Um...whaaat?" But she explained herself. Anti-depressants basically dull nerves in your brain, so you don't feel sadness or anxiety. She was banking on the fact that this would dull nerve endings as well. She told me I would likely lose some or all of my sex drive, but after six weeks, my nerve endings should be dull enough to handle sexual contact. Six weeks. I could handle that.

Those weeks actually passed by much more quickly than I had anticipated. My best friend got married and, contrary to her fear so lovingly passed on by me, did not have the same issue that I had. A friend who had met and married his wife in the time that we, ourselves, had already been married called us to announce their pregnancy. I noticed I was not weepy like I had been. Probably the Zoloft. 

In November, 2010, nearly a year and a half after we got married, we tried (with low expectations) once again. SUCCESS! I will spare you the details. I don't think either one of us could believe it. To my embarrassment, I blurted it out to my mother-in-law early the next morning... I'm sure she really appreciated that, but I had tell someone! I felt like a literal weight had been taken off of me.

Things began to look up. We found an apartment, jobs, and my Lyme symptoms subsided. I (not wisely) weaned off of Zoloft because we had decided to go ahead and try to have a baby, but to no avail (for five months). It took another three months after I came off of Zoloft, a process that I did not do with a doctor's supervision or my husband's knowledge**. I wanted to see if my body could handle it; and guess what? It could! (**Also, this was a bad idea medically...I experienced ALL THE EMOTIONS AT ONCE.)

After we found out that we were expecting (Molly), my OB/GYN told me that after a vaginal birth, my nerves would reset themselves, and the problem would likely be fixed, permanently. I am happy to say that is how things went! 

We have been married five and a half years. Sometimes it feels like we've been married much longer than that, I think because we were forced to learn to communicate and put aside a large portion of "the honeymoon phase." My husband is the most patient man on the planet, and I am so thankful for him.

I could use this as a platform for discouraging waiting for sex until you're married, but that isn't my point. I'm glad I waited. I think it was the right thing to do. I am (in hindsight) thankful for the challenge that we went through together. It has made us appreciate the normal physical relationship of a husband and wife so much more, and taught us to treat each other as best friends, first and foremost.

I shared my story with a girl my own age who was engaged in our church, right there in the sanctuary! (Sorry, anyone who walked by and got an earful!) I was shocked when she told me that someone she knew had dealt with something similar, but because she had shared it with several of her friends (nurses!), they had helped her figure out what the problem was before it became a major issue!

This is my hope with these blog posts. Consider opening the doors of communication with your daughters, your friends, and the young women in your church. Sex is not taboo. The logistics are something that should be talked about. I never knew that it was possible for there to be a problem (through no fault of my mother's… I was terribly uncomfortable talking about it, myself). I tell my story more frequently now and with less secrecy.

I don't want to pretend anymore, even by omission, that I had sex on my wedding night. I'm proud of our story, and I'm proud of who we are because of it.

Thank you to everyone who has read, liked, shared, posted, commented, and messaged about this story. The support, love, and encouragement have been overwhelming! 

A Wedding Night Story: Part Two

***DISCLAIMER: If you don't want to know personal things about myself and my husband, or read words like "tampon", "period" or "sex"........you should just click that handy little "X" right now.  I am past the point of embarrassment, but completely understand that others may not be comfortable with this story. :-)***

Start At The Beginning -- Read Part One HERE

This is where it gets difficult to write. Up until this point, my story could be anyone's story. A girl who waited to have sex 'til she's married. We were a nervous couple.

I don't remember very much from our honeymoon. If I'm being honest, I try to block a good portion of it out of my brain. We had fun, and we enjoyed the beautiful West Virginia mountains, the city of Charlottesville, and historical Williamsburg. But we did not consummate our marriage. 

We tried, and tried, and tried. And tried. I cried a lot. I spent a lot of time in the bathroom, praying and begging God to make me "more comfortable" and "less scared." I didn't feel afraid, but without bringing too much detail into an already detailed story - there was searing pain every time we tried. 

I thought that surely I was just inexperienced, and it would eventually happen. God bless my husband that first time he suggested that perhaps there was something else going on...something physically wrong. I probably yelled at him; I don't remember.

In any rational situation, I should have come home and gone to the doctor. But in my irrational, emotional state, I did what any girl would do: I came home and lied. Oh yeah - honeymoon was GREAT! We totally had sex! Better remember to take my pills - ha ha! 

We moved into our teeny, tiny one-room (you heard me. one. room.) apartment in Lanham, Maryland in July. We went to the D.C. Capitol Fourth and (tried) to make friends with other married couples in our building. It was hard. Deceit was hard. 

In August, I told my mother and my best friend what was going on. My mother insisted that I see a doctor, and my best friend hugged me while I cried. I told my extremely patient husband that he could talk to his friends about it, too, if he wanted. I don't know who all he talked to, but he came back with the idea that maybe I just needed to be a little tipsy. It seemed like a good idea (you know, to a couple who have been married three months and are grasping at straws!) - but didn't work. Searing pain.

I made an appointment in October with my mom's OB/GYN. In November, I saw her. I made my mother go with me. Like, in the exam room and everything. The gynecologist could hardly do her examination without me freaking out. My body had gotten so used to tensing for the pain that it was getting worse.

It was then that we finally got some answers. I was not too afraid, I was not too tense…it was not my fault at all. She told me I was born this way, and would need a procedure called a hymenectomy to remove the muscle that was preventing sexual intercourse. She told us there was a hole the size of a pin-prick. This was why I had unusually long and painful periods (9+ days), and also why I could never use a tampon (though I had admittedly not tried many times). Unfortunately, the surgery could not be scheduled until February, 2010.

Although I was thankful for a diagnosis, the weight of not being intimate with my husband did not dissipate. I was still very secretive, telling only the people I had to tell. This probably made me seem unapproachable and depressed. I was. I was petrified that people would laugh at me for not knowing this sooner, or for not going to the doctor until now. Through all of this, Patrick was loving, patient, and kind. He would spend hours playing Uno or watching movies with me, never once complaining about the situation that we were in, and in return, he had to listen to me sobbing over something I could not change.

It was during this time that I realized a part of my emotional instability was probably coming from the birth control pills that I still religiously took. I think it was to maintain a sense of normalcy. Regardless, it was a waste of money and I laugh at myself for taking them! We discussed it, prayed over it, and decided, after some research,  we really weren't big fans of what it was simulating in my body to begin with.

I threw away the pills and that week, I regained some emotional clarity. I will never take birth control pills again. I don't say this as a judgment on those who do, but for myself, I don't like who I was when I was on them and I don't like what they were doing to my body.

In February, 2010, I had surgery. I was scared out of my mind. It wasn't even a major surgery; outpatient, and I could walk that night! I think part of my fear was from the lack of people who knew about it. I had no one to talk to outside of my immediate family, and even then, I didn't tell my sisters, sisters-in-law, or closer friends from school. Recovery was just a few weeks long, but I was under strict instructions not to attempt sexual intercourse for eight weeks. 

We planned a trip to Williamsburg for Spring Break. A second honeymoon. I was so excited (and nervous!). I got the "All Clear" from my OB/GYN just a week prior to the trip over the phone, as well as a prescription numbing cream, just in case. 

I'll skip the pleasantries and get straight to the point: It didn't work. I was in just as much pain, and now various extremities were also numb from the cream. Which, SIDE NOTE, who thought that was going to be a great idea?!?! 

My longsuffering husband ran out for two giant tubs of ice cream and we stayed up all night, eating ice cream and binge-watching 30 Rock and The Office. Bless him.

I called my doctor and explained what happened. She told me to wait it out, six more weeks, and then come in for an appointment, and if we were still having a problem, she would figure out what to do next.

Meanwhile, we moved back to Salisbury. Patrick's school (where we lived, worked, and attended) was having a financial crisis, and after dealing with many missed and late paychecks, we made the decision to eliminate a stressor in our lives and regroup back with our families. Patrick's parents graciously allowed us to rent a room from them while we got back on our feet. Much of our savings had gone towards my surgery and medical bills.

As if enough wasn't enough, I began to display symptoms of Lyme disease again in the time while we were living in Lanham. I was in denial about it for a while, but coupled with my other issues, my mother was attuned to my daily physical state and insisted that I go to the doctor. My best friend was getting married, I was starting a detox and antibiotic treatment, and we still couldn't have sex. It was a tough time for us.

I went back to the doctor at the end of August 2010. In case you've lost count, we'd been married 14 months by this point. I had begun to refer to myself as "The Super Virgin" in private.

To Be Continued...

A Wedding Night Story: Part One

***DISCLAIMER: If you don't want to know personal things about myself and my husband, or read words like "tampon", "period" or "sex"........you should just click that handy little "X" right now.  I am past the point of embarrassment, but completely understand that others may not be comfortable with this story. :-)***

How do you begin writing something that is so personal that the thought of others reading about it takes your breath away? 

I have thought about writing our story many times. I have discussed it at length with my husband. I've prayed about it. 

Why do I want to write about it if I am afraid? I think, sometimes, sharing your trials with others can be healing. I also want other women to know they aren't alone; there are many variations of my story. I have heard them, now that I am looking for them.

So with a deep breath, here it goes.

There was once a girl who was not very athletic (spoiler alert: that's me). This girl did not do much sports-ing. Her mother encouraged her, once she had reached a certain age, to use tampons so that life did not absolutely freeze during her period. The thought of it grossed her out, and when she tried, it hurt, so she decided that the pad-life was for her.

Fast forward to 2006. This was the summer that my life changed. I had a tick bite and began to have what I now know to be classic Lyme disease symptoms. 

Unfortunately, Lyme disease awareness was not what it is now, even just nine years later. My doctors did a blood test for a whole host of things, but nothing came back positive. I went from being a healthy, energetic 15-year-old to a weak, migraine-y 16-year-old in just a few short months.

I spent much of my next two years battling doctors, diagnoses, and my own denial. There were times that I should have pushed myself harder and times that I should have rested. 

In my senior year of high school, I took a short-term job with a company and moved to Montana for a month or so. I pushed myself very hard while I was there, but with some bad choices and failing health, God made sure that I made my way back home by the end of May, 2008. His Hand is always providential, and though I could not see it at the time, I quickly saw the benefit of His moving me back home.

In June 2008, I met Patrick. His family had started attending my church while I had been away.

Sure, we'd "met" before. I'm sure people are tired of us joking about it, but on the off chance that you're not – Our families both participated in Home School Day at the local skate rink. So, we literally skated in the same circles as kids, although he was part of the "cool kid" homeschool group, and - shocker - I was not. ;-)

I had a photograph of him from high school, when he was a host at Red Lobster and I went with friends, documenting all the while with a disposable camera (as one did, in 2004).

Those who know me know I am not shy. I recognized him, and brought a copy of the photograph the next week. I walked right up to him and introduced myself. We hit it off and spent the rest of the afternoon (a church picnic) getting to know each other. Within a few weeks, we had roped our siblings into spending the summer playing Frisbee golf, mini golf, and board games. 

By the end of the summer, our relationship was official. He asked my dad for permission to court me, and even though he left for college, our relationship rapidly progressed. I thought we were headed towards marriage in a year or two, but in November, he surprised me with a proposal! 

The college that Patrick was attending had a special apartment building reserved for married students. We were thrilled and began to make plans for our wedding the following June (2009). 

I was also formally diagnosed with Lyme disease in the Fall of 2008. Although no tests would come back 100 percent positive, the PA at my pediatrician's office gave me antibiotics in a last-ditch effort to diagnose by treatment. I saw results within a few weeks and he continued the treatment until I was no longer suffering weekly migraines and muscle weakness.

As we got closer to our wedding date, my mother suggested that I go see a gynecologist. I know I am a grown woman, but still, the word gynecologist gives me the heebie-jeebies. I protested - why would I need to go until after I was sexually active? My pediatrician confirmed that really, there was no need for me to go, and they could even supply me with birth control pills. With my anxieties at bay (for a least a few months), we filled the prescription for birth control pills and I began to take them.

I felt myself becoming an angry person. I yelled and cried a LOT. Maybe it was the stress of the wedding? I convinced myself that it was definitely not because of the pills. You couldn't have children in the married housing at the school, so we were not planning on having children until Patrick graduated. 

June 6, 2009. We were married. All of the barriers, all of the rules - gone. I can't describe it to you. It felt insane. We were exhausted by the preparation and the day. It took 45 minutes to get to our hotel, and another hour until the 40 bobby pins were out of my hair and we were both showered. We had to be up early, so we decided to relax and enjoy our first night as husband and wife with no pressure, just lots of snuggling and some blessed sleep.

This is where it gets difficult to write. Up until this point, my story could be anyone's story. A girl who waited to have sex 'til she's married. We were a nervous couple.

I don't remember very much from our honeymoon. If I'm being honest, I try to block a good portion of it out of my brain. We had fun, and we enjoyed the beautiful West Virginia mountains, the city of Charlottesville, and historical Williamsburg. But we did not consummate our marriage. 

We tried, and tried, and tried. And tried. I cried a lot. I spent a lot of time in the bathroom, praying and begging God to make me "more comfortable" and "less scared." I didn't feel afraid, but without bringing too much detail into an already detailed story - there was searing pain every time we tried. 

To Be Continued... 

Thoughts On Direct Sales...

(this is important, y'all!)

This is a touchy subject, and a particularly controversial one right now, it seems. I have seen rants and raves on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter about how annoying it is when people post about their direct sales businesses.

I will admit - I used to be mildly irritated by posts from friends about makeup, candles, jewelry etc. (even though I am a Plexus Ambassador! Talk about hypocritical...)- HOWEVER, someone recently said something to me that really changed my perspective on direct sales posts.

I'm paraphrasing here, but the bottom line was this:

We are walking advertisements for everything we use and like - we tell our friends about that great new drink at Starbucks, the awesome shampoo we just started using on our kids, and the shoes we just got from that discount place online. 

The majority of us are not getting a "cut" of the sales that are made directly from our inadvertent advertising. Wouldn't you rather that one of your friends received some income or benefit from your purchase of a Peppermint Mocha or favorite new shampoo?

So instead of being irritated and 'hiding' those you once interacted with, just scroll past the things that don't interest you, and continue to interact with them normally. :) 

Influenster GoVoxBox Round-Up

So, a little late to the game on this one, as I took a little (BIG) road trip to Arkansas last weekend for my cousin, Jill Duggar's, wedding. <--- Blog post on this eventually.

A couple of months ago, a friend referred me to Influenster. HOW MUCH FUN IS THIS CONCEPT. You fill out surveys and write reviews of products that you've already used/tried, and then you are eligible to be selected for trying and reviewing products in a VoxBox. 

I was so excited to learn that I'd been accepted to try the GoVoxBox..I may have danced around the house and watched the mailbox like a hawk!

The above is a picture of what I was given to try, but there were also some coupons that I have not been able to use quite yet! 

The ProFoot PediRock is probably my FAVORITE thing that I received. I had my doubts about this one, but the promise of pedicure-fresh feet was too good to pass up, so I tried it. I know some people feel like feet are gross, but...really...this picture had to be included. 

I tried The Vitamin Shoppe NextStep protein shakes (3 flavors - Chocolate, Vanilla, and Berry) and the blender bottle.

I liked the chocolate, but the vanilla and berry flavors were too chalky/metal tasting for me. The blender bottle was awesome at first, but after one wash, it wouldn't seal anymore and eventually broke. So, count me a little disappointed.

The Blue Diamond Almonds in Blueberry flavor? DELICIOUS. I could have eaten a whole tub of these babies. They were so yummy! I actually did share with my husband and daughter...a little bit.

The rest, I don't have photographic evidence of, but I still have opinions!

AquaSpa Creme Lotion (Lavender)- Feels amazing! Not oily at all, and great hydration. The after-smell is a bit musky for my taste.

ProFoot Triad Orthotics- Meh. Take 'em or leave 'em. They were pretty comfy, but not to the point of being an every day must have. If I had tried them out while running (uh...it's too hot for that right now), I may have felt differently. So, stay tuned and I will try them again in the Fall.

Playtex Sport Tampons- I will just say that I prefer the kind that I already use.

So there ya go! I loved being a part of this and hope to have the chance to review more products in time!

We're Raising Men and Women

There we were, perusing the toddler shoe section at our local Target, finding the pair that I want for Molly in every size BUT her own. I heard two boys in the next aisle over with their mother and grandmother, trying on boys' shoes. 

After hearing the same noise over and over, I peeked through the empty shelf to see what was going on. The older boy (about 6 years old) was sweeping the open boxes of shoes off the shelves and letting them fall wildly onto the floor. My initial reaction was - 'Oh no, that poor mom! She's having a rough time in Target today!'

The grandmother loudly demanded that the boy stop doing that, but neither of the adults turned to look at him, so he continued. I tried to mind my own business, but it was so hard to ignore them! 

The grandmother, once again, raised her voice to the boy - and it did not one lick of good. The mother continued to shoe shop. The boy swept one more box of shoes onto the floor and, as I peered through the shelf again, I saw the grandmother raise her hand and advance towards him, as though hitting him would teach him to behave. 

The boy dodged her hand and yelled, "COME AT ME, OLD LADY." And that's not even the worst part. 

Guys. Guys. Really. This is serious. I'm not making this up. 

The grandmother and the mother laughed.

They laughed! They thought it was FUNNY. He was still angry and sulking, but they LAUGHED.

I bit my tongue and wheeled my cart (and Molly) far, far away. My thoughts were whirling and even now, I get a little worked up about it.

We all have bad days. We have days when our children showcase a special brand of disobedience that they have saved particularly for Target, in front of strangers. Hey, Molly used to whine, "Heeelllppp meeee!" to passersby from her buckled-up spot in the cart. 

The one thought that keeps rushing through my brain is this:

That little boy will grow up to be a man, and he will potentially interact with my little girl when she grows up to be a woman. If this path he is on continues, he will have no respect for women unless they are physically violent to him (so sad) and even then, he may not take them seriously. I feel sadness for that little boy, and sadness for how he may react to the women in his life once he is bigger than they are.

This post is not meant to be a "Shame on you!" to the grandmother and mother of those two boys, although I wish that someone would say that to them, but it also got me thinking about other behaviors we are fostering in our children who will, one day, be men and women.

I am ALL ABOUT letting kids be kids - just for the record- so take these things with a grain of salt and the knowledge that my 2 year old has many habits and personality traits that need to be molded and shaped and corrected before she hits adulthood and I am not necessarily cracking down on anything past the standard 'share your toys and don't scream at me/daddy/everyone who annoys you'. ;-)

And because this was heavy-- I leave with this oh-so-true e-card.

Clean-er Eating Recipe Round-Up

So with my newfound energy from Plexus, I got super motivated to get rid of our processed food habits! I must say, it is expensive, but not as difficult to make the meals as I thought it would be.

Below are a few that we have tried. All the pictures are from Pinterest because I never think to take pictures of the completed recipe until I'm halfway through inhaling it... ;-) Classy, right?

Breakfast: I am the worst breakfast eater ever. If I'm being honest, I could drink a bottle of water and eat a few pieces of chocolate around 11am and not even feel guilty about it. BUT, with drinking Plexus Slim, I get hungry about thirty minutes after drinking it, so I needed to up the ante in my breakfast habits. Toast with jelly isn't really gonna get me fueled up for the day.

 Click this link to go to the original blog post!

So here's what went into MY frozen smoothie bags: Oats, Sunflower Seeds, Banana, Apple, Kale, Spinach, and Mixed Frozen Berries (will replace these with fresh in the spring!). 

I threw it all in there and put them in my freezer. The next day, I put it in the blender with 1 1/2 cups of Almond Milk and about 10 melted semi-sweet chocolate chips, because...well...it tasted kinda grassy to me. BUT, with the chocolate in there, it tastes so delicious! AND I know that I am getting 45704 times better nutrition than if I were eating, say, just the ten chocolate chips by themselves.

The next two were meals that I made this past week, and they were pretty big hits! I know that they aren't strict clean eating, but hey - it's a process, right? No pun intended.

Penne Rosa with Shrimp. Yum. DElicious. Click here for the original blog post!

Chicken Parmesan Meatloaf "Muffins" - Click here for the original blog post!

I have a few more recipes up my sleeve for the rest of this week, and I will be reporting back on how they have gone over with the toddler and husband!

Plankin' and Stuff

Use Grammarly's grammar check, because if your blog has bad grammar, I will unfollow you on Pinterest - unless you pin lots of Ryan Gosling memes, in which case I will never unfollow you.

So, as you all know by now, I am a lackadaisical exerciser. I want to love exercise, I really do. But I just don't love it. I enjoyed running last Fall but then it got cold and miserable.

 I got a gym membership so that I could keep running on the treadmill. Let me tell you what...running on a treadmill, while easier on my legs, is B O R I N G. Even with 800 TVs in the gym, I find myself watching the miles I've run and feeling like they are taking forever!

To break up my obnoxious winter lull that I am in, I had a little fun and created a 30 Day Plank Challenge! WOOHOO. Not. I hate planks, but I notice that they seem to do more for me than most other strengthening exercises. I made it cute and pink to try and trick myself into being excited about it. 

Anyway, this challenge starts TOMORROW (March 8th) and ends on April 1st! Sooooo, who's in?

Pride and the Holidays

The first thing you should know about me is that I LOVE CHRISTMASTIME. I don't even mind when the local radio station starts playing Christmas music more than a month before Christmas. I mean, I don't listen to it 24/7 until after Thanksgiving, but when I need a little Bing Crosby or Nat King Cole fix - it's there.

That being said - one thing that I battle during the holidays is pride. I want to be able to do it all. I want to be the mom with fresh baked Christmas cookies, the advent calendar, the decorations, the presents, the parties, the cards! But guess what? If I am struggling in the day-to-day responsibilities, I should probably take a step back and NOT pre-plan my Christmas morning menu. Maybe I ought to take care of the laundry pile first.

This year, I am purposing to be more laid back. I am a perfectionist by nature and I need to focus on making sure that the basics are taken care of before I jump onto the next Polar Express to decorating my whole house for Christmas. 

Laundry done, bathrooms cleaned, dishes done, dinner on the table. Those are my every day goals. Those have to come before designing the perfect Christmas banner or scouring the Internet for the perfect gift(s) for my husband.

Please don't misunderstand me - those things are important, too - but if I choose to neglect my basic responsibilities, I will become overwhelmed, and eventually will find myself curled up in my bed eating peppermint chocolate M&M's, wrapping Christmas gifts, while my house is in shambles! (This might happen anyway)

Two things I am letting go of this year are:

1. Christmas cards. It just didn't happen, and honestly, I will be glad to have the money I would have spent on cards for gifts!

2. Advent calendar. I had high hopes of making the cutest little calendar with fun little gifts for each day. Thanks, Pinterest, for tempting me. But seriously...Molly won't know the difference this year, so I'm skipping it.

So there you go. I can't do it all during the every day routine, so I need to own the fact that I can't do it all around Christmas either - and I'm not going to make it look like I can, because I think other mothers out there need to know that it's okay if your stockings don't all match and you don't do the most creative Elf on the Shelf ever. Oh, and don't even get me started on Elf on the Shelf.... :-p

a [small] transformation

As I sit here with a soft brace on my ankle, foot propped on top of ice for the umpteenth time this week, it dawned on me that I had not yet blogged about my newest venture: RUNNING! Okay, well...jogging. I don't know if it counts as running yet.

While I currently have a sprained ankle (due to over-pronation and bad shoes), I am proud to say that my sister-in-law Katelyn (<--- click her name to view her SUPER awesome blog about the 101 in 1001 project) and I have ALMOST completed 'Couch to 5k'! We both toyed with the idea of running all summer, but neither of us have ever been runners, even in our chosen sports through high school, we avoided running at all costs!

It's taking us a little longer than 9 weeks to complete the program, mostly because we've hit a few "roadblocks" along the way - sickness, and my injury. BUT, my new shoes should be here any day, and my ankle feels exponentially better today than it did even yesterday!! 

Pre-race photo ops:)

About a month ago, we ran in our first 5k, held at Vernon Powell (shoe store). We didn't run the whole thing, but ran a good portion of it. I can't wait til we sign up for our first real run-all-the-way 5k!!

Yes, I know the left picture is me being goofy, but that was my highest weight after Molly was born. I'm about 40 pounds lighter now! (And that's after I had already lost 25 pounds post-pregnancy!)

Lyme Disease and Productivity

I have Chronic Lyme Disease. I have not had a terrible flare up since I was pregnant with Molly - and man, that one was a doozy! I can say that with some humor now that I am so far removed from this, but the truth is, autoimmune diseases are way more common than you think, and it's not a laughing matter. While the jury is still out on the causes of Lyme Disease and other similar co-infections, I'm sure that a lot of you know that my whole family has been affected in some way or another by Lyme Disease.

My main symptoms are debilitating migraine headaches, arthritis-like symptoms in my joints, low energy, and insomnia. While I am not in a flare up, I still have days where I experience any number of these symptoms for no apparent reason, or sometimes due to humidity/drastic weather change. I should be used to that, I live on the Eastern Shore!!

Lest you be bored by my ramble about medical conditions, there really is a point to all of this! 

One thing that I have learned through all of this is perseverance in productivity. There are days (like today) when my head is pounding, and not even excedrin migraine can 'fix' me back to full power, but if I let myself sink onto the couch for the whole day and not even attempt to be productive, I will start a habit that is not easily broken. The mentality of - "If I waste what little energy I have now, I won't have any if I need it later" is a common one among people who suffer from chronic pain of one kind or another. You conserve energy, just in case. But guess what? That's not productive, and it certainly won't make you feel better.

I used to have a lot of guilt, because sometimes I really can't pull myself out of it, and things would literally be a mess when Patrick got home from work. But as long as those days are few and far between, a little PB&J for dinner never hurt anyone!

The important thing to remember is that if you have the energy: USE IT. You won't regret it. Don't push yourself too far, but by using that energy to be productive, you won't struggle with the guilt of being 'down' later in the day. 

P.s. I'm preaching this to myself. There are days that this whole mentality goes out the window and I lay on the couch and throw myself a giant pity party. :)

Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches - A Book Review

This past June, I had the privilege of photographing a wedding with my sister-in-law, Amanda, up in Maine. Or New Hampshire. I can never remember which state we were in...but I digress.

This trip meant that I would be childless for 4 whole days! Including the 8 hour car ride up north! I grabbed a couple of books that I had been planning on reading for months, and guess what? I read every single page of all three books.

This was my favorite. I don't recall who gave the book to me, or why, but WOW - couldn't have read it at a better time in my life. I keep alternating between thinking that I ought to pass the book along to another mama and then thinking that maybe I should keep it around to re-read when I am needing encouragement.

The way that Rachel Jankovic writes makes it so easy to relate to her whether you have one little one, or four, the reality of cheerios being dumped all over the living room (true story, happened last week) is something that I think any mom can identify with.

She really encourages a 'go with the flow' attitude. You can't control every single element in your home because - hello, they are KIDS! BUT, at the same time, it doesn't have to be total chaos. They are human beings and you can teach them!

In the book (early on, actually - page 12!) she says, "I didn't write this book because mothering little ones is easy for me. I wrote it because it isn't. I know that this is a hard job, because I am right here in the middle of it. I know that you need encouragement every day, because I do too."

I seriously want to send her some fuzzy socks and a chocolate bar for writing this book. 

The Top Ten Things You Will Cry About Post-Partum

1. Everything

Okay, okay... I'm just kidding. But I bet if you asked my husband what I cried about in the weeks following Molly's birth, that would be his answer - and to his credit, he dealt with the extreme emotions beautifully.

The REAL List:

1. The sudden quadruple of your stretch marks (in various places!) that you so carefully 'avoided' with a dutiful application of cocoa butter throughout your pregnancy.

2. When you finally lay the baby down. She's sleeping peacefully. You only have about 15 minutes, maximum. You start to cry because...you can't decide if you should shower, use the bathroom, eat, or sleep!

3. The first time you step on the scale post-partum. 

4. Your baby's umbilical cord falls off on Day 4. The doctor said 8-14 days, and it fell off on DAY FOUR so obviously you did something horribly wrong!!!!!!! <--- I may be saying this from experience.

5. Post-Partum = Payback for 9+ months of no Aunt Flo. Sorry. It had to be said.

6. Milk. It doesn't matter what the circumstance - spilled, too much, too little, too hot, too cold - it'll be cried over.

7. Summer is clearly approaching more quickly than it does other years, simply because you can't imagine wearing a bathing suit right now.

8. You're pretty sure that you'll be bald in a matter of weeks. Maybe days.

9. Your husband looked at you funny/the wrong way/normal.

10. She's already not a newborn anymoooooooooore!

This is by no means a complete list of what I, personally, cried over in those first weeks (ahem, months...) but I hope that others can identify with, and maybe even laugh a little over, the above list. It's normal. I think.

Keep It Simple

I have been hesitant to post about finances, but I think our generation has a severe lack of understanding what is necessary and what is extra, and maybe it's time to start talking about getting back to the basics.

Before I start explaining what we do and why we do it, I want to be very clear: This is not an attack on anyone else's lifestyle. You can choose to do things differently, and that's just fine. This is meant as an encouragement for those that desire to lower their monthly bills, but feel trapped by the social norms. Annnnd, go:

1. Cellular Devices: People are always shocked that Patrick and I shared a cell phone for the first year+ of our marriage, and we still carry two of the most pre-historic cell phones around. We simply do not need an astronomical cell phone bill due to bells, whistles, and data charges. Since just about everywhere has free wi-fi, we did invest in a Samsung Galaxy Tablet this year without the data plan. 

2. Housing: We just moved into our first actual house. It's still a rental, but until now, we've lived places that were not our ideal, simply because we believe it is better to save your money for the right opportunity rather than spend what you don't have in order to live somewhere 'comfortable'. I consider doing laundry in my own home a luxury and a privilege.

3. Good Credit: While it is an asset to have 'good credit', credit card companies reel you in by making you think that you NEED to have a credit card to build 'good credit'. There is a way to keep a credit card responsibly, but it is also a slippery slope and once you start to charge things like a Venti Double Triple Espresso Mocha Caramel Whipped Soy Latte (that probably doesn't exist, but if it did, it would be called the 'I Have A Newborn') because you don't really have money for it in your bank account -- there is a problem. 

4. Television: We have never had TV channels anywhere that we've lived. In fact, our television is so old that it isn't compatible with even the three "basic" channels that everyone is supposed to get for free. We don't actually watch a whole lot of TV anyway, so we mostly use it for movies - but one awesome thing is Netflix! We can watch Netflix streaming through our Wii, and while we may have to be the LAST people to see the final season of The Office - oh well! It's not really the end of the world!

5. Kids Cost A Lot: This is true. My hospital bills were astronomical. Diapers cost an arm & a leg. BUT, I think that people inflate in their minds what is "necessary" for babies/children based on what the media tells us. Do we really need everything in Babies R Us to keep our babies well fed, safe, and happy? Thanks to the generosity of friends and family, I received LOTS of awesome things for Molly at my baby shower, and we saved gift cards to help purchase the things that we still needed. I almost never purchase things new from a store. I always check yard sales, consignment shops, and online for anything from clothing to toys to yes, even diapers! And lets be honest, Molly would prefer to play with a toilet paper tube and some packing peanuts over most of her toys anyway.

This blog post took me about a week to complete, working in 10 minute intervals. I'm trying out this new thing where I limit my time on the Internet while Molly is napping..you know, to help with my productivity. ;-) At any rate, the next post will not take this long to go up...it's already in process!

It Happens in Threes

This past weekend was anything but uneventful, and not particularly in the way that I had hoped!

We went to visit some friends in the DC area for a birthday party, but on the way back, it began to snow, and (long, long, long story short) we ended up completely turned around in downtown DC, in the snow, for almost 2 hours. I had assumed the GPS was in the car somewhere, and hadn't checked before we left earlier that morning. Ugh, total fail on my part! Mad props to my sister-in-law Amanda for not whining (too much anyway) about seeing the Washington Monument from just about every angle...twice.

The next morning, bright and early, my beloved almost-one-year-old (yikes!) smacked me in the eye with an iPod touch. My first child induced black eye. Thanks, kid! I tried to cover it up with makeup, but it just ended up brown/blue..and sparkly.

Next, we discovered around 5pm that our keys had been stolen earlier in the day. Yet another very long story short, we were unable to retrieve them, although we were/are fairly certain we know where they are. Thankfully, we have family that is willing to step up and take us in on short notice for a couple of days while we wait for our replacement vehicle key and for the locks to be changed on our house. Sigh.

The main purpose to this post is this: Have you ever heard of the saying that bad things happen in threes? I heard it maybe a year ago, and since then, I have had several rounds of "3" fall into my lap. My question is, do I notice that things happen in threes because I heard that phrase, or do things really happen in threes? Hmmm...food for thought.

Resolutions

I could probably count on one hand the amount of New Years Resolutions that I have made, and even fewer that I have kept. Part of the reason that I don't actually make the traditional January 1st resolutions is because I know that I will have trouble keeping them, then will feel guilty every time that I think about it...but not guilty enough to do anything about it.

So when Patrick asked me yesterday what my resolutions were going to be this year, I jokingly said, "Move into a house!" He says that is not a resolution, but rather it is a goal. I guess I always pictured them as being the same, but it made me think (we have a lot of time to think, driving 45 minutes each way every day).

I could probably list a bunch of goals that every woman in America could relate to:

- Exercise more frequently
- Cook healthier meals
- Keep my house tidy
- Spend less money

BUT, the fact is, in a few weeks, I probably will have (mostly) forgotten about these goals as I step back into the daily crazy balance of my life with Molly.

Those, of course, are excuses - because I know that if I made time to exercise, I could. And if I really wanted to spend less money, I probably could.

So instead, this year, I am purposing to be honest with myself about the time that I have and be more wise with how I use it. It is amazing how many things one can accomplish during nap time...or not accomplish.